Show up, shamelessly.
Many of the people I work with are looking for a deep, rich, safe space to explore life’s big questions. Sometimes it is to speak the unspeakable. They’re doing the work of healing old patterns, healing shame (never good enough), working too hard at life, being far too attached to what others are doing or thinking about them, trying to maintain a perfect identity, over-giving and controlling everything to feel safe.
They are finding their voice, rediscovering their power, taking up more space, learning to honour their own needs first, returning to their natural selves and discovering what integrity looks like for them. And most of all, they no longer carry the weight of what they think they should be, so experience the lightness and joy of just being who they are - shadowy parts and all.
This work is a practice, lived through the details of our daily lives. It all begins with awareness.
Our time together is based on everything I’ve learned about showing up fully to life, based on my 25 years experience of facilitating group processes, 10 years as a business psychologist, 7 years as a certified coach working with hundreds of people individually, and 7 years guiding people through a very personal journey on the road to showing up shamelessly as their magnificently messy selves.
The work of becoming real starts with understanding all the ways we currently hide, edit, perfect, please or perform, so that we can tell the truth and redesign our lives based on the new, fresh energy of our uncurbed selves. After years (a lifetime, for some of us!) of presenting a socially acceptable image to the world, it can take some time to get to know the person we are under all that masking. This is what I was put on the planet to do.
Before coaching:
You don’t speak up for yourself.
You doubt yourself.
You over-prepare and never feel ready.
You compare yourself to others.
You feel, or have been accused of, being ‘needy’ or ‘too sensitive’.
You’ve done a lot of self-development work but have never quite got to the heart of not feeling good enough.
You give your power away in relationships .
You might be a long way from remembering or knowing who you truly are
You make choices based on ‘shoulds' rather than in alignment with your values.You feel flat, sad, or tired, and you’re not sure why.
You swing between not feeling good enough, and not wanting to show off for being too brilliant.
You are working really really hard at life.
You are harsh or judgemental with yourself.
You’re afraid to go for what you really want.
You find it hard to ask for help.
After coaching
You feel lighter, brighter, more like you.
You understand the role that shame has played in your life, and practice ‘shame resilience’.
You know yourself, your values, and what integrity looks like across all situations, with all people.
Your relationships are much more likely to be built on mutual respect and honesty.
You like yourself! You might even fall in love with yourself a little bit :)
You have a better understanding of your inner processes - your thoughts, your emotions, and how to work with them yourself.
You trust yourself to make good decisions and carry them through.
You have reclaimed joy, pleasure, ease, flow.
You take much better care of yourself.
Your self-talk is now kind, gentle, loving, forgiving.
Our focus on your wholeness.
I offer this work because I know first-hand the impact that healing shame has, and I truly believe that this is the work that’s needed in the world.
Humans need safety, belonging, and dignity (the right to exist), and many of us have sacrificed the latter two, in order to feel safe in the world.
But as we evolve and expand, the old ways and patterns don’t seem to fit us as well any more, and when you come to that realisation, that’s where I can step in to help.
There are no guarantees, and it’s going to be messy. I believe in you. And I believe in the power of this work.
The you that is underneath all the socialisation and hard things that happened and secrets and impostering and not-fully-being-you-ness.
And - I’ve walked this path in my own life, so you can count on me not to ask you to look in any places that I haven’t been willing to go in my own life. I hope that makes me a guide with integrity - deeply committed to your transformation and also unattached to the outcomes, so you get to be fully you, without judgement from me.
You cannot do what you want until you know what you're already doing, so we’ll start where you are.
I’ll help you figure out what you’re thinking, feeling and doing, and how that differs from what you want and what feels like integrity for you. We’ll work out next steps that feel right for you.
Truth and courage.
We’re going to need to tell the truth, dig deep, and get real. Some things are tough to admit or explore, but that’s where we’re going to find your freedom.
I’ll serve your agenda, of course. But I’ll also call you towards more choice, more power, and more trusting yourself. You can count on me to say the thing that no-body else will.
Why me as your coach and guide?
I might be a good coach for you if you want someone real, human, a bit mischievous at times, with a sense of fun, but who also takes our coaching partnership and the coaching profession, seriously. I believe in magic and I trust science.
I’ve got a background in occupational psychology, trained as a team/systems coach and I’ve managed people and budgets in organisations so if required, I can also bring you my experience of organisational development type problems in our personal 1:1 coaching/mentoring work (interviews, presentations, team dynamics, away day design, etc).
I am a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and abide by its code of ethics.
Who I coach
My clients are generally positive, emotionally intelligent women who have done a lot of self-development work over the years - they know themselves really well and have a high level of self-awareness and take 100% responsibility for the results they are getting in their lives - they just need a bit of support in stepping onto a bigger stage or going deeper into themselves, especially if they've previously had issues of 'not-enough-ness' or shame.
Shame work requires a good foundation of healthy self-esteem and self-compassion - so you’ll have to be open to, and ready for, practising liking who you are - even the parts you’ve previously judged as not-acceptable or have changed them to make yourself more palatable to others.
Shame is trauma work, but we’re coming at this from a coaching approach - that makes our work together forward-facing and with assumptions of your creativity, wholeness and ability to be at choice and have agency in your life.
I’m not a therapist nor a qualified mental health professional so I am not able to work with people with a diagnosis of anxiety, depression, or other mental health diagnosis. If you are dealing with unresolved pain or trauma, I ask that you get the professional therapeutic support that you need right now. If you have questions, you are welcome to contact me. And look, a lot of us have been there, and we can feel better and heal. I wish you deep restoration.
Coaching work tends to take people from doing well to thriving, as opposed to helping struggling people to doing okay. Although our work will focus on shame and will dip into working with the shadow (our disowned parts), we’ll still work within a framework of otherwise healthy human functioning. If you’re not sure, no worries, we can talk about it before we begin.
Our work has rigour and structure but also makes room for the whole of what makes us human - your shadow-y bits are so welcome. We’re going for DEPTH and EXPANSION into the whole of who you really are and what you want to create.
How it works - next steps
Use the diary link below to set up time for a short conversation. I won't coach you at this session - it’s a call to find out more about each other and whether it feels right to start coaching together. There’s no hard sell or illusions of time-pressures put on you and at the end of that call if I think I can help you I’ll invite you to coach together, and if I can’t, I’ll offer to introduce you to others who might be better suited to you at this time.
Structure of our coaching relationship
We’ll co-design the length and frequency of our coaching sessions together, because what feels best to you, is best for you. Although you can book one session at a time if you prefer, I ask you to commit to at least six sessions together, so that we can develop the coaching relationship as a powerful container for the changes you want to make.
We’ll stay in touch in between sessions using WhatsApp - voice or text messages, so you’ll have your coach in your corner for the duration of our partnership.
Coaching packages can be co-designed.
“Our coaching sessions really have been life-changing - they’ve enabled me to feel much more confident about who I am and what I believe to be important. I DO have the skills and expertise I need to achieve what I want!”
“Our work together has enabled me to finally uncover and resolve some long-held limiting beliefs and far-reaching tendrils of shame that had been holding me back from truly honouring myself.
I was a middle aged woman with a successful career yet imprisoned by a child’s hurt and emotional injury.
What freedom I feel now! As a result of our work, I’m living my passion bravely and with integrity and I am able to acknowledge my successes and to own my choices and my life. It’s a truly wonderful feeling!”
“A week after your interview skills course I went for a job and got it!! THANK YOU. And yes, I did the ‘sassy sister’ and ‘crossing the finish line punch’ in the loos beforehand and it obviously worked”
“Jacqui helped me prepare for an interview and the one thing that really helped me forget how scared I was, was waving my hands about like an Olympic competitor. Not only did this remind me that I’m a winner but it also helped get my blood pumping to give me the energy I needed for the interview as well as making me literally laugh out loud which relieved some of the tension too. It made me focus on me and not how scary I thought the interview would be or would I be any good at it if successful. I got the job and will be bringing the positivity Jacqui helped me focus on and am looking forward to the new challenge. I can do it! :-)”
“You helped me get two jobs! The stuff you were telling us about believing in ourselves and being proud of our achievements was very positive and I felt empowered and confident. Having you tell me it’s ok to feel good about things I’ve done is really liberating - this was a revelation! It focussed my mind to prepare and helped me with encouragement to go to interview and say - I’ve done this, I was good at it, it worked well and I am pleased! :-) I thought it was great!”
“Coaching with Jacqui has is a beautiful combination of affection, tenderness and warmth. She is willing to challenge when needed. However, there is never any doubt in her unshakeable confidence in you. This has helped me to make such strides along my life’s path, I will be eternally grateful. ”
“Your coaching is a testament of the power of a big heart. My valuable self exploration could not have been possible without the open, loving space you created. Your observations were astute and your curiosity led me to defining realisations.”
“Thank you for your guidance today. I felt so physically energised afterwards that I went for a dog walk (that I was not looking forward to) and I also have a feeling of mentally moving forwards.”
“It’s great to have someone in your corner and as the weeks go by and we work together, I realise what a great choice I made. ”
“I really enjoyed the session and has definitely has lit the fire – especially in the work I do!”
“Following our coaching yesterday I have woken with an energy that has not been with me for a long time. Amazing feeling of clarity. Thank you.”
“Jacqui, you are a great coach. What you did with us that day was inspiring! I liked how it felt as though you were really responding to ME. The greatest value for me was in the insight triggered by the coaching. Thank you.”
“My coaching sessions really have been life-changing - they’ve enabled me to feel much more confident about who I am and what I believe to be important. I DO have the skills and expertise I need to achieve what I want!”
“Our coaching helped me make the big step up into the leadership position I’d been wanting for a while - partly by developing leadership presence, and partly because I actually put myself forward in a way I might not have done in the past. You prompted the conversation about my leadership before I was even in the role, and that was the moment that I really stepped up, putting myself forward again for the role, and getting it this time!
There were two helpful things that stuck with me.
The first was my realisation I was capable of greater leadership ‘range’.
The second was in learning to mentally ‘step outside’ situations as they were happening, that emotional intelligence piece - so important for me personally and in my leadership.”
“I’m really grateful to you. I found the day’s session very informative and useful, well organised and delivered in a very engaging manner – and our chat afterwards was particularly inspiring. I felt the most significant advice you gave me was to be lighter and less serious and see how that improves the response I get from others. Thank you so much for sending me the links on vulnerability, there’s so much to think about – and be brave about, within that idea. I like how she conveys an awareness of how that requires extreme personal strength which is not to be discredited as overemotionality. I will look into the other link after work. I ‘d just like to say thank you again, my superior was really pleased to receive evidence of me listening to her so soon after my appraisal! So thank you! Hope to see you again throughout this change process.”
“Jacqui created a beautiful, spaceous and hearfelt working environment. This allowed me to become more aware of many mechanisms of self-pity and self-defeat. I was also supported in exploring my dreams, in touching them with my fingers and feel all of their power and magnetic attraction.
All along my coaching journey I felt supported, championed and deeply appreciated by Jacqui: not only was it an exquisite feeling but it also nourished my self-esteem and commitment.”
“Thanks so much for today. You created a responsive relationship which felt authentic and genuine, and the use of movement and intuition, all with permission, really worked for me. It really had me think, and I really liked the ‘style’ with co-active coaching... moving to wherever it felt right.”
“Our coaching gave me the courage to do what I needed to do.”
“Working with Jacqui has been and is marvellous! Throughout our 5 sessions together she’s always managed to tailor the experience to my deeper needs (both expressed and unexpressed from me). With her vast knowledge and experience we managed to work through various topics and areas leaving me renewed of energy and filled with inspiration to continue my journey. And as a bonus if you ask about various team/work related topics/exercises/books on a specific topic you get great input, having this type of sounding board has been very valuable to me in my job as interim manager!”
“Jacqui allowed me the space to think creatively about what was getting me ‘stuck’, asking powerful questions that led me to realize things about my motivations that I hadn’t fully expressed. Being able to articulate, and acknowledge, these was hugely powerful. Jacqui used humour, insight, awareness of language around shame, connection and vulnerability, and wonderful championing to help me gain new insight about my situation, my triggers and my behaviour that I have been thinking about for days afterward. Throughout the session she created a safe, non-judgmental space for me that was the perfect balance of depth and humour to ignite a fire! After the session she followed up with me directly to cement my homework and suggest further reading material that we had discussed in our call. A powerful coach and a powerful hour together.”
“Thanks Jacqui for the wisdom and insights you brought to our session. I needed to talk through some ideas and I had much needed clarity when we finished our call.”